It was the summer of 2008, and I was between my sophomore and junior years of college. I had spent about half of the prior school year preparing for summer Field Training with ROTC. Up until then, it was like I had two lives: one as a student, and one that was like the boot camp story arc from Full Metal Jacket, minus the swearing and physical discipline.
Preparation in itself was already an interesting experience, waking up earlier for ROTC events, getting some more intensive and vocalized training, and being held to a standard that effectively called for better than perfect. Now I was off to do the same thing day in and day out for about a month straight, with people I'd never met before, in the middle of Alabama, and to make things worse, I'd spent the days prior getting "verbal corrections" by my mother regarding my planning and packing practices, and in the process left a camouflage cap at home.
Things didn't really get much better once I had actually arrived. For whatever reason, call it the luck of the draw or a bad case of the nerves, things just didn't go as smoothly as I would've liked. It felt like it took awhile for me to "click" with the people there. I kept making silly mistakes on my parade steps or in protocol because I was becoming intensely focused on certain aspects of what I was doing rather than maintaining a holistic view. I know I certainly couldn't get much of a command presence going nor was I particularly effective when I was placed in charge. So at least while I was in the moment, I had fairly negative feelings about the experience and was legitimately concerned much of the time about making the grade.
Of course, I don't remember all of this because it was a truly awful experience through and through. Honestly, some of the finer details and the names have faded but for a few key pieces. But, I remember it because I look back and see a major pivot point in my life not just as a cadet or prospective officer, but even in some aspects of my personal self. Towards the end of the month long encampment, there came a period where we were still subject to the rules of "the game," but they weren't as hard on us. Eventually, we were even given time for feedback from both the active duty officers that supervised us as well as our peers. The feedback I got consistently across the board was I came off as a very smart guy, I just needed to work on my confidence. I honestly still wonder about the smart assessment as I generally didn't say very much, but after everything I'd been through, to have people outright bring up the issue of my confidence kicked off something in my head.
Before Field Training even, I had another similarly pivotal experience. It arguably started maybe halfway through my freshman year of college but really came to fruition around the spring of 2008. This was when I made a change in where I was going to school. When I first applied to college, I already had somewhat limited options as I was more of an A- or B+ student, and the only extra credentials I had was being an Eagle Scout. I also didn't take much of an interest in the process beyond it being something I had to do more or less because my parents told me to. Though all this, I muddled through a process where it seemed like a good idea to send me to smaller liberal art schools that could accommodate participation in Air Force ROTC. Being accepted from two out of the eight, I went with a smaller school in Seattle because it seemed like the practical thing to do.
While I had some good experiences and met people I still consider good friends, this was the first time I really got hit with a hard lesson in taking control of my future and knowing when to follow my heart over my head. The first year I muddled through the campus culture that I found to be less than ideal, along with finding classes that interested me, keeping occupied, and working through the commute to my ROTC classes at UW. I wasn't too happy with the circumstances, but I stuck with it after being advised to give things a chance and lacking any further direction. Once sophomore year rolled around though, the school announced plans to make cuts to liberal arts programs to stem funding issues they've had for years...while at the same time making plans to upgrade the basketball team to Division 1 athletics. At that point, stories I've heard about making conscious decisions to make a change made sense, because I finally made one myself. Although it took months of thought and wasn't an easy process, I did what I had to do to transfer to the University of Washington. At the time there was concerns expressed by my instructors about graduating on time, and for awhile I still wasn't sure if it was a good idea to stay in Seattle. But with time I was happy I made the move, and I learned to consider my feelings as well as fact.
These two situations, although technically separate problems, were interesting in that they happened around the same time and seemed to weave around a common thread of confidently taking action. Changing schools required me to make a conscious decision to be involved in the outcome rather than simply riding out choices I let other people make for me. Today I can say that whenever I get put into a team situation or a work environment where I'm going to be in place for an extended period, I make an effort to have a say where I can and to actively participate versus sitting back and taking whatever comes. For that matter, even now rather than idly accept the Air Force's decision to be a communications officer, I'm currently doing the best I can at that job while doing what it takes to change career fields.
As far as the summer training experience goes? What that did was set the foundation for some needed steel in my spine. Although I'm still working on performing with confidence, today I have fewer inhibitions when working in a group environment. I focus less on what other people think about what I have to say about a problem, and instead try and maintain confidence in what I'm sharing. Rather than focusing on "I've never done that before," I'm more inclined to say "I'll do what I can." It has extended rather nicely to the personal life too, yielding results such as a few journeys to places around town just because it looked interesting on the map, a couple occasions to try my hand at a Cessna because it was something new, and more.
To wrap up an already long blog entry, that small period of a few months left upon the last four years and counting a constant reminder to not stand idly by watching the world go by, but to get involved, take action, and do it with the confidence needed to really seize the moment.
No comments:
Post a Comment