Bottom line up front: When it comes to striking up conversation with someone I've just met, although becoming much easier in recent weeks since I've learned some communication concepts such as the FORD acronym, is still a very difficult undertaking for me. This especially gets to be an issue if the person I'm talking to also isn't the most conversant type and gives little feedback.
Working a room is even more difficult. At least if I spend enough time with one person, usually there's enough small talk to keep things from being especially awkward, but in a group I always find myself unable to get a word in edgewise unless we're taking turns...even then, I don't have a lot to say. It becomes much easier, rather, to melt into the background and listen to the conversations that people are having. Generally speaking, I've found from experience that I converse optimally with either one very talkative person, or within a group of three, as it's intimate enough to speak easily but there is enough feedback and opportunity for triggering further conversation.
Examining my personality, my lack of ease in conversation can probably be attributed to the number of ways I've acted out the role of the quiet studious type. I've always been rather shy with new people, more often preferring to be spoken to rather than initiate speaking. Frankly, I also still have issues with thinking too much about how I'm being perceived, which is compounded by my tendency to not think well on my feet. A lot of this, perhaps, might be tied to my upbringing and experiences. Being an only child, I didn't spend much time with my peer group outside of school and my parents tend to stick closer to home more often than not. When I did finally get out to school, the combination my own attitudes about the school experience and being subject to much of the slings and arrows of dealing with other kids throughout middle school and high school left me feeling that social interaction was more often than not a stressful rather than fulfilling experience. Finally though, I got into college and made a conscious decision to practice this sort of thing with a significantly more polite peer group. Studying the topic full time certainly went a long way towards at least making the communication experience more pleasant.
Much of the material from Chapter 14 of the Messages texts lines up with what I've seen in communication classes and a book or two on dating, especially the parts about framing your attitude in making the approach, utilizing good body language, and some of the basic ice breaker methods. But, there was some interesting material in the section on the levels of self-disclosure. I also thought the explanation on active listening went into greater detail than what I've heard before, and tied together earlier thoughts on listening nicely. I wouldn't mind sometime trying out some of the basic icebreaker questions and techniques to gauge their effectiveness (I'm admittedly just a touch skeptical), and I might put some thought into the levels of self-disclosure at play in my various day to day relationships. Certainly, I'm already shifting some of my thoughts just slightly on a few of my regular interactions and evaluating where on each level I might be with people I know.
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